The Fox's NBA Rundown

So the big guns here at SH, Tim and Jack, got to trot out their predictions. Now it's my turn...

ATLANTIC division

Where do I really stand on the Celtics? Am I the guy who looks at this team on paper and says, “two of the starters are there by default and the bench is incredibly thin,” or the guy with his jaw on the floor at two preseason games watching the GAP Band slice apart the opposition? Right now – I’m the latter. This team is the best in the Atlantic, and as good as any in the East.
New Jersey is the other Atlantic team with three All-Star caliber players – they just surrounded their high-energy trio with a herd of donkeys. Not saying that guys like Krstic, Magloire, and Collins can’t defend the key – it’s just a shame that a brilliant point man like Kidd is forced to lead a squad that plays classic, brutal Eastern Conference ball. Expect more turnovers and long jump shots from Vince Carter, the man who gets the least out of his God-given talent.
The Raptors are a nice little team – with a healthy T.J. and Bosh, and an underrated supporting cast, they gave Toronto fans a reason to care last year. Unfortunately, their big offseason addition was Jason Kapono, a skilled shooter who got 11 ppg out of a career year. They can get into the postseason with this little-engine-that-could, but until Barngnani turns into at least Mehmet Okur, won’t go anywhere. And we’re talkin’ about a 22-year old kid.
The Knicks can be summed up in one sentence: Isiah doesn’t know what he’s doing. Actually, one word: fail. The Sixers have Iguodala and Miller and a couple of upside young guys but won’t sniff the playoffs for several years.

CENTRAL division

The Bulls go 9 or 10 deep, and as an advocate of bench depth, it’s hard for me not to jump on the Finals bandwagon. As nice as Gordon, Hinrich, and Deng are, this team has no inside scoring and neither of those three carry superstar status. As Lebron proved last year, you need a big-game guy to carry you to the promised land – are Gordon or Deng capable of that? Jury’s still out.
Two names that I like on the Pistons this year: Jason Maxiell and Jarvis Hayes. I could care less about ‘Sheed’s offseason Atkins diet or the human trapeze artist Tayshaun Prince. The four established starters are what they are. They’re going to put Detroit in the hunt. A healthy Hayes is a surprising talent and Maxiell is the Paul Millsap of the East – and the depth they provide could put them over the top.
The Bucks are going to the playoffs. I love their roster. One caveat: Charlie V and Yi combine for an unprecedented amount of multi-lingual whining and destroy team chemistry. Look for Bill’s boy Bobby Simmons in a good comeback year.
The Cavs are garbage. Larry Hughes is looking like he’ll never live up to being shouted out in a Nelly song, Big Z continues to age, and Drew Gooden, despite removing that awful patch of hair from the back of his neck, hasn’t been able to live up to his Kansas pedigree. I’d like to see Boobie Gibson succeed. But honestly, “Mr. Entertainment” Damon Jones? No Pavlovic or “Wild Thing” Varejao? This team will not make the playoffs, and Cavs management should be ashamed.
I don’t believe the Danny Granger hype, and I don’t believe in the Pacers. Hope the fans there enjoy Jim O’Brien’s “Up-chuck” offense. Indiana will of course sign Tony Delk midseason to bomb away with Dunleavy and Troy Murphy.

SOUTHEAST division

Kudos to the Heat for going out and getting Ricky Davis. Sure, they’ve got some great players from NBA Live ’95 but with the injuries and advancing age, they were dangerously close to becoming the Knicks of the Southeast. With a high-energy swingman in the mix to help Shaq and Wade, they will be contenders again.
Magic: I really feel the sky is the limit for Dwight Howard, Rashard Lewis, and Jameer Nelson. The thing that will push this squad past the other Eastern also-rans will be the health of J.J. Redick and Trevor Ariza.
Arenas, Jamison, and Butler, as always, will log a lot of minutes in Washington. Is the team better than the Bucks, Raptors, or division rivals Orlando? Not so sure I can say “yes.” Staying home this spring.
I can see Charlotte as a squad that could surprise some people – they’ve got some excellent athletes (J-Rich and Wallace) with a physical specimen (Okafor) inside and an emerging point guard (Felton). However, with this team’s injury history, they’re going to need better bench depth, and losing May and Morrisson hurts big time.
Will someone in Atlanta please step up? Joe Johnson has a solid game, and Josh Smith is clearly emerging as a stat-stuffing force – otherwise, you have five(!) nondescript point guards, two unimpressive pivot men, and four guys fighting for time alongside Smith at the 4. It’s time to separate the dimes from the nickels – someone needs step up here (my guess is Law and Horford) or else make a big trade.

EASTERN CONFERENCE FINAL FOUR:
Bulls – Celtics – Heat – Pistons

The top four teams in the East are EXTREMELY close. The Bulls and Pistons are excellent teams, while stars anchor the Miami and Boston lineups. The Bulls and Pistons have great point guards (Hinrich, Billups) while the other two teams do not. All of the teams possess deadly shooting guards (Wade, Allen, Gordon, and Rip). The Celtics are the only team without a proven center (Perk), but they’re also the only team WITH a dominant power forward (Garnett). It all comes down to matchups. The Bulls are the deepest but do I see them beating the GAP Band in a 7 game series?

EAST CHAMP: Celtics

PACIFIC division

This is the year the Suns make the Finals. I only say this because I’ve been waiting too long for this to happen and I think the cosmic tumblers have clicked into place in Phoenix: a healthy Amare, motivated Matrix, some nice complimentary pieces and as always, Nelly Furtado’s British Columbia homeboy Steve Nash. Go the distance.
Golden State had a successful first-run with Nellie Ball, and even though I really like some of the foreign guys on this team (Pietrus, Biedrins, and Azubuike), pretty much all the American players here are assholes. I don’t root for assholes, and I don’t have to treat them fairly in my season preview. 8th seed.
The Lake Show is over. No playoffs this year in LA, whether or not Kobe is traded. I don’t care to elaborate, because I’m sick of hearing about it myself. More of the same in Sac-town for the Kings – Kevin Martin’s great but Artest and a bunch of guys who peaked five years ago won’t go anywhere. I don’t think the Clippers will be as bad as people think (there’s actually some good vets on this club). But it’s still gonna be pretty bad.

NORTHWEST division

I don’t know if the Jazz will win 51 games again, but I do know this: Boozer and D-Will are the real deal. Quit hating on Booz – to quote Gorilla Monsoon, the man is an irresistible force and every morning Lebron James wakes up from a dream where he and Booz were NBA Champions to find Drew Gooden as his power forward. Okur can at least contribute numbers in the regular season and Millsap is an emerging beast. Whether or not Andrei Kirilenko cares to join that excellent mix is his decision alone. If his head is right, this is a very dangerous squad. If not, they’re a notch from the top rung.
Scoop Jackson thinks the Nuggets could make the NBA Finals. They have ‘Melo and Allen I. A healthy Kenyon Martin would buttress a strong frontcourt. But there are too many ifs and too many big egos involved here.
Love the youth movement in Portland. There will be some hard knocks, but this season will hone a capable roster of young guys when Oden joins them next year. Channing Frye has a chance to make Isiah Thomas look like an even bigger fool.
Seattle: the Hawks of the Western Conference. Maybe the roles are slightly more well-defined, but until Durant becomes a dominant force – they’re an also-ran. Minnesota’s young guns will kind of be like last year’s Celtics. Actually, a lot like last year’s Celtics. Last place. At least Ryan Gomes can finally get some burn.

SOUTHWEST division

The Spurs are under appreciated, a zillion pundits say. I’m sorry – I don’t like watching them. And I hope Phoenix mans up this year to knock them out of the playoffs and about 1/3 of their crusty old roster out of the league. At least Robert Horry. He used to look like Will Smith and now it looks like he ATE Will Smith. Boosh!
Dallas – much like the Spurs, I’m not particularly intrigued by their brand of basketball, other than the electrifying Josh Howard who has made THE LEAP. They solidified their bench (Jones, Hassell) and probably won’t get bounced in the first round this year.
Congratulations, Houston. You’ve built your team around two injury-plagued superstars who can’t perform in the clutch. Your coach is Rick Adelman – a capable guy renowned for playoff failures. Your roster now has Bonzi Wells AND Steve Francis, as well as a variety of similarly skilled stiffs who will be complaining all season about playing time. First-round playoff exit. Write it down.
New Orleans Hornets – hmm. Peja is just 30 years old but has been on the decline for what seems like years. Mo’ Pete is a fine player with uneven output. If Chris Paul can pilot a healthy Hornets squad, they can steal a playoff berth out West.
Memphis - they’ll be better, but not that good. There’s that unresolved point guard situation and the Swift/Warrick power forward combo is brutal, unless Darko can man the middle and one of the pretty-hair twins, Gasol, steps in at the 4.

WESTERN CONFERENCE FINAL FOUR:
Jazz – Mavs – Spurs - Suns

The Nuggets and Houston are teams that could compete at a high level in the East but are first round knockouts here. The final four out West will provide some exciting basketball next spring, but I already stated my reasons why Phoenix will emerge this time.

WEST CHAMP: Suns

FINALS: Phoenix over Boston. As I said last summer, the big moves in Boston were enough to get everyone all excited about the team, but not enough to raise a banner. This would be one hell of a cool matchup, though.

NBA Preview: Fearless Predictions

Jack here. So apparently it’s come to this. The season’s upon us and it’s up to me to recklessly prognosticate what will transpire. Will the Suns break through? Will LeBron average a triple-double? In any event, devoid of any particular formal pattern or appeals to reason (pace Tim), here’s how things are shaping up in my third eye vision:

No I In “Team”

Eight Eastern Conference Playoff Teams (alphabetical order): Bulls, Cavs, Celtics, Heat, Magic, Nets, Pistons, Wizards

Eastern Conference Champs: Celtics. This pick is admittedly a combination of unabashed homerism and complete disbelief at the horror that is the Eastern Conference. Any number of things could derail this, most the asshole who coaches them, but hey, who wants to be negative.

Eight Western Conference Playoff Teams (alphabetical order): Hornets, Jazz, Mavs, Nuggets, Rockets, Spurs, Suns, Warriors

Western Conference Champs: Suns. This could certainly go to the Spurs as well. The Suns almost won last year, though, and honestly, I hate the Spurs at this point. Duncan and Parker are a joy but the Bowen/Horry shenanigans in last year’s playoffs left me thirsty for blood. Suns are the pick.

NBA Champs: What are you, serious? There are four teams in the West (Suns, Spurs, Mavs, Rockets) that would be prohibitive favorites over anyone in the East. Suns in four, Nash eats Rondo for dinner. Thanks for playing, though.

The I’s in “Win”

MVP: Kevin Garnett, Celtics. I’m tempted to write 30,000 words on why the NBA MVP is the stupidest major award in sports. Last year these idiots gave it to Nowitzki even though you could assemble a starting five of guys are undeniably better than him (Nash, Kobe, LeBron, Garnett, Duncan: there, see?). Everyone acted so shocked when Dirk couldn’t get it done in the playoffs, but was anyone really that surprised? Dirk Nowitzki is not an elite player, and while every middle-aged white dude wants him to be Larry Bird, thrusting undeserved hardware at him isn’t going to make that happen. Also, unlike MLB and the NFL, the NBA has an inexplicable aversion to giving this award to the same player over and over. Remember when Karl Malone won instead of Jordan? Jesus Christ. And do you know why Steve Nash didn’t win last year? Because he’d already won the previous two seasons. Never mind that last year was his best season out of the three, or that his first award should have gone to Shaquille O’Neal but didn’t because guess what? Shaq had already won one! The argument against LeBron is that he’s too young to win, even though last year it became disturbingly obvious that he’s the most valuable player on the planet. So why will KG win this year? Well, the Celtics are looking at a historic one-year turnaround, and that’s just the sort of thing that MVP voters go crazy over (see Nash’s first award). While KG already won in 2003, the fact that he’s on a new team will supersede the idiotic “he’s already won” bullshit. Plus, the League is looking to give it to an Eastern Conference guy so they can at least pretend that the East-West balance of power isn’t laughably disproportionate. I’m not saying that Garnett should win the MVP, I’m merely saying that I think he will.

Rookie of the Year: Kevin Durant, Sonics. Everyone’s talking junk about Luis Scola but Durant is a freakishly amazing basketball player and just had one of the greatest seasons in NCAA history. By January we’ll feel ashamed for even having this discussion.

Most Improved Player: Dwight Howard, Magic. To quote his favorite book, this is the year Howard puts away childish things. All the Celtics fans (myself included) who dreamt last year that Big Al Jefferson might someday rival Howard will wake up and apologize. This kid has Duncan potential and will dominate the Eastern Conference for years to come.

Coach of the Year: I don’t care.

Biggest Disappointment (or, Most Overrated): Eddy Curry, Knicks. This is admittedly a paraphrase, and I’m wondering if anyone else heard it, but last week when the C’s were playing the Knicks, Tommy matter-of-factly declared that Eddy Curry “will never be a player in this League.” Gorman seemed kind of shocked, and asked why. Tommy simply replied that he “doesn’t care enough.” It was an amazing exchange and reminded me of why Tommy is my favorite announcer in sports: because he’s brutally honest enough to not give a shit about hurting some fat fuck’s feelings. Eddy Curry has Hall of Fame talent and a Junior Varsity work ethic. He is a vastly overpaid, chronic disappointment. Enjoy it, Knicks fans.

Biggest Sleeper (or, Most Underrated): Jason Kidd, Nets. It’s odd to think of Jason Kidd as a sleeper, but every year someone talks about Chris Paul, Deron Williams or Mike Conley as “the next Jason Kidd,” as though Kidd’s some sort of ghost story. Guess what? Jason Kidd is still in the League and better than every single one of these motherfuckers. Did you know that last year Jason Kidd averaged 8.2 rebounds per game? Do you know who averaged more on the Nets? Nobody, that’s who. Nenad Krstic was second with 6.8, and is considered one of the more promising big men in the league. Krstic is 7 feet tall, Jason Kidd is 6-4 and can’t jump. Kidd’s so good we don’t even believe it: we lack the vocabulary to describe his greatness and so everyone just ends up mumbling about Vinsanity or some other bullshit.

Season starts tomorrow night, with Portland-San Antonio on TNT (something tells me they scheduled that one before Oden went down), followed by Rockets-Lakers. Break yo'self, fool.

NBA Preview: Predicted Standings

I now bring you my sprawling predicted standings for every team in the Association, with links to all the season previews already posted, and info as to what the professional oddsmakers are thinking about each team. Jack and The Fox's predictions will be along shortly. Enjoy.

The Western Conference - a place where domination still exists

1. The Dallas Mavericks
Predicted Record: 60-22
Dallas is a team that doesn't interest me, although they will probably have the best record in basketball. Vegas Predicted Wins (VW): 56.5

2. The Phoenix Suns 58-24
I believe these guys will be holding the O'Brien trophy in June. VW: 56

3. The San Antonio Spurs 57-25
Just an awesome team, who I can't see repeating despite the fact that all signs indicate that they should. VW: 55.5

4. The Houston Rockets 55-27
The Champs in 2009, not 2008. Yao Ming wins MVP in one of the most muddled races in recent memory. VW: 53.5

5. The Utah Jazz 46-36
Only the top four teams in the West are elite. People look at the Jazz's success last year and think they will build upon it. Yet I'm leaning the other way. Boozer will probably not be as dominant (think Elton Brand last year as opposed to the year before) and he very easily could get hurt again. Okur, AK 47, Williams and Millsap are all excellent players, but I don't see Utah going over the hump without making a 2 for 1 trade that nets them a big star. I also have soured on Sloan, and would not be surprised to see bad chemistry on this year's squad. VW: 48

6. The Denver Nuggets 44-38
Similar to the Jazz in that many people expect them to make a leap. But the Nuggets have even more chemistry problems than the Jazz, and have proven the last few years that having lots of talent means little in the West. George Karl has seen his better days as a coach; and unless this team actually plays solid defense they are going to underwhelm fans this year. VW: 49

7. The Golden State Warriors 43-39
They reached spectacular heights last year in my mind, and I can only hope they have a little magic left. VW: 42

8. The New Orleans Hornets 40-42
Chris Paul leads the pesky Hornets into the playoffs. VW: 38

9. The Los Angeles Lakers 39-43
A hard team to predict, if Kobe gets traded I actually think they could end up with a better record. What a mess - I would build around Bynum, and not Kobe. VW: 43


10. The Memphis Grizzlies 35-47
A totally awesome team, we'll all be hoping they make the playoffs. VW: 33

11. The Sacramento Kings 34-48
The thing is, I always thought Eric Musselman was a good coach. I know he got a DUI and supposedly was going to strip clubs with Artest - but still, I never thought he was a bad coach. And I know Reggie Theus is supposed to be a hard worker and has that flashy smile. I guess what I'm saying is that the Kings really haven't improved at all, unless acquiring Mikki Moore and his snakes counts for something I don't know about. Bibby getting hurt isn't gonna help matters. VW: 33.5

12. The Los Angeles Clippers 30-52
Ah, now this is more of what Donald Sterling had in mind. This team is much older than the normal sub-adequate Clippers squads, but the results should be about the same. There are enough veterans to probably keep the boat slightly afloat for a while...but they'll be sinking the whole season. VW: 31

13. The Portland Trailblazers 28-54
If Brandon Roy goes down they're cooked, and Roy has a tendency to go down. Not that I feel bad for Paul Allen, they'll just end up with Derrick Rose next year. VW: 30.5

14. The Seattle Supersonics 23-59
A youthful team finding out that going in the right direction means nothing in year 1. Durant plays in only 60 games but wins Rookie of the Year. VW: 27.5

15. The Minnesota Timberwolves 17-65
Christmas came early for Ricky. Should be one of the worst teams of the past decade. VW: 20


The Eastern Conference - a generally displeasing study in parity

1. The Chicago Bulls 50-32
I've gotten a lot of flack for knocking John Paxson's vision. When all's said and done I still think this team is too young and starless to make it to the Finals. VW: 49

2. The Detroit Pistons 48-34
This could be a pretty awesome team, too bad they have the wrong coach. Second best talent in the Conference behind the C's. VW: 50

3. The Boston Celtics 47-35
Turns out Glenn Rivers isn't that good of a coach. VW: 49

4. The Cleveland Cavaliers 46-36
They looked terrible against the C's Friday night. Mike Brown, despite being a horrible coach, usually gets his guys to play solid D. The offense was disgusting last year, and the laws of sanity suggest that it has to be a little better this year. LeBron has basically been playing nonstop the last few seasons, and it might catch up to him in some form of an injury, in which case the Cavs are fucked. Expect a first round exit and Brown's subsequent firing. VW: 48.5

5. The Miami Heat 45-37
Watch Dwyane Wade absolutely decimate the Eastern Conference on the way to the Finals, where Miami falls to Phoenix four games to one. VW: 46

6. The Indiana Pacers 44-38
Apparently Vegas isn't aware that Obie is coaching the team. VW: 31.5

7. The Philadelphia 76ers 42-40
Mo Cheeks wins Coach of the Year as the Sixers surprise the naysayers. Jason Smith could be a big rookie surprise. VW: 32

8. The New Jersey Nets 41-41
Rod Thorn finally admits that he worships Satan. VW: 43.5

9. The Orlando Magic 40-42
Dwight Howard is coming into his own. Rashard Lewis should have a big year if he is healthy. Stan Van Gundy is a damn good coach. All these things considered, and I still don't feel great about this team. Maybe it's their lack of bigs aside from Howard. VW: 46.5


10. The Milwaukee Bucks 39-43
You'd think Mike Redd, Andrew Bogut, Mo Williams, Charlie Villanueva and Bobby Simmons would be enough to get you into the playoffs. Actually, maybe you wouldn't. VW: 35.5

11. The Toronto Raptors 39-43
It is a unique thrill to watch these guys, particularly when it is all flowing well. That said I don't see it all working, especially if Bosh misses much time. VW: 42

12. The Washington Wizards 39-43
Ernie Grunfeld has run out the same team the last few years, and it's about time he got criticized more strongly for it. Gilbert and Jamison are playing for new contracts, but I doubt that will make them better defensively. VW: 40

13. The New York Knickerbockers 35-47
You can contextualize, you can analyze, you can observe. But you cannot comprehend. We are heading towards a very special 35 win season. VW: 36.5

14. The Atlanta Hawks 34-48
There are many more foolish things you can do as a GM than offer Josh Smith a max contract come next summer. Everybody should be able to appreciate this guy some. VW: 38

15. The Charlotte Bobcats 32-50
Last in the Conference with 32 wins, now that's parity. I was almost ready to ride the Sam Vincent bandwagon before May and Morrison's injuries, but now I'm afraid I'm off. Felton, Richardson, Wallace, Herrmann and Okafor make up a pretty awesome five, though. They could very conceivably win the Southeast with this much parity, and that is pretty amazing. And probably disturbing. VW: 35

NBA Preview: Everyone's Favorite

I'm still picking the Suns to win the title in 2008. This is in spite of Amare Stoudemire's knee issues, and in spite of Shawn Marion's petulance. It is also in spite of Steve Nash's advancing age, and the team's lack of bigs. The NBA is a league of patience, perseverance, and luck. The Suns have paid their dues, and now I see them finally being rewarded. Of course it was easy to say this about the Kings five years ago, and then Chris Webber blew out his knee, and that was that. It very well could be the Suns fate as well - a great team that never put it all together at the right time (and was never aided by officiating.)

But Phoenix does have the making of a great team. Before the suspensions they were toeing the line with San Antonio like never before. It appears the Suns have failed enough that they are no longer scared of losing. They look like winners; and even if this team does not seem as glamorous as a few years back, they are much more battle-tested. Hell, if Manning and the Colts can do it, then Nash and the Suns can do it.

Many people saw Phoenix as the favorite before the Marion and Amare incidents. Now maybe not so much. Marion's perpetual bitchiness is of less importance than Amare's knees. Amare (and Nash) should be babied during the regular season; there's no need to go overboard just to win sixty games. The Marion situation is touchy, but should pass over, and truth be told, he is only their third best player.

Marion's ranking on the totem pole has been most apparent come playoff time. Nash and Amare have had the essence of their games grow magnificently in the playoffs, while Marion's has generally faded away. You can blame Marion for this, but I don't feel like doing that right now. Instead I'd like to relate Marion's playoff difficulties to what fascinates me most about Phoenix. The Suns are a transition team nonpareil, but they have had no choice but to play a lot of halfcourt basketball in the playoffs. What compels me is that Phoenix is capable of doing this very well. Their success in halfcourt has to do with the greatness of Nash, and the low post flourishing of Amare. Marion then plays his vital role, along with Raja, Barbosa, Diaw and now Hill. What I mean to say is that despite their revolutionary style, Phoenix is a traditional team. And traditional teams win because they have the best players.

Phoenix's true identity was revealed more than ever during last year's Spurs series. Style and coaching methodologies clashed to make it so that both the Suns and Spurs were forced into a corner. The Spurs were cornered because they were playing a team with more talent than any other foe, and had no choice but to try to be both mentally and physically stronger than Phoenix. The Suns were put into an even more astounding and uncomfortable situation: their style was stripped away from them, and they could no longer rely on their transition offense. It was enthralling, as we had to look at the Suns from the inside out; this was the true litmus test: to see if they could succeed without using their system. And it turns out they could. Nash has never looked so determined to win at all costs than during that Spurs series. And everyone followed suit. Then the suspensions happened and the bucket was tripped over.

I'm fascinated about the essential elements of the stripped down Suns. They're just really good; Nash and Amare got something historically beautiful going on. Marion, Barbosa, Bell and Diaw are brilliantly unique players. The maturation from '04-'05 has been documented many a time. But it goes without saying that this team is ready to win now, and I don't know if we could say that in 2005. D'Antoni is swearing Phoenix will run and play smaller than ever before. I have a tendency to believe him. And there is a decent shot that playoff matchups might make it so that the Suns can continue to run wild even in the postseason. They could become the smallest team ever to win a championship. But this team has gone beyond style. Indisputably it can be said that there is now extreme substance to any way the Suns play. This should scare the rest of the league.

To see the entire NBA preview, click here or the label below.

NBA Preview: Your Minny Celtics Will Be Appreciated More From Afar

It seems appropriate to bring up the Timberwolves on the eve of THE BIG SHOWDOWN ACROSS THE POND. Seriously, though - Minnesota is probably gonna be the worst team in the league this year. It seems almost unavoidable, and when people say otherwise I always laugh. It's easy to laugh when there are seven recent Celtics on the Wolves: Blount, Davis, Gomes, Green, Jefferson, Ratliff and Telfair. With names like those, and little else to show, how can this team not be bad? I mean Craig "Rhino" Smith, Randy Foye and Corey Brewer combined don't make one Pierce or KG. And even with those two respective stars, both Minny and Boston have struggled mightily the last few years. Sans KG and Pierce - well, this group in Minnesota is gonna have a long season.

Which doesn't mean they won't be entertaining. It will often be like watching the C's with Pierce injured in the dead of winter last year - some exciting, optimistic elements, just shrouded with northern basketball morbidity. But the team does have Ricky D to brighten their spirits (who should, for the love of God, be in a place like Miami by the spring.) Also everybody is free to discuss port with Blount. And Mark Madsen and McCants are around - so yes, this definitely will be a fun team to watch in doses. But for Timberwolf diehards - well, you have my pity.

Minny's problems are twofold. One problem is management - the Glen Taylor/ McHale reign can be considered nothing short of disastrous at this point. To add icing on the cake, the Wolves are coached by Randy Wittman, he of a career 74-132 mark. So the people calling the shots are, in short, morons. Compounding this problem is a larger dilemma that faces this year's Wolves: youth. It is basically impossible to win alot in the NBA unless you have at least one really good veteran leading with a shining light. Neither Ricky, Blount or Juwan Howard come close to qualifying in this regard. And with most of the remaining roster of consequence being in their early twenties, it is a fundamental truth that the Wolves will struggle.

I expect this to be one of the most out of control teams in the league - bad coaching, youth, Ricky and Blount almost guarantee it. Needless to say I'm looking forward to it, certainly it should be more interesting than watching Cleveland on a cold January evening. But one can't get too worked up over a team that should not win twenty games. Still, the talent is enticing - Jefferson, Rhino, and Gomes make up an imposing frontcourt; and Green, Foye, McCants and Brewer are all pretty exciting. I guess if all these pieces flow together, and Wittman stops impersonating Glenn Rivers, the Wolves could end up with...thirty victories. It's more likely, though, that Blount sets a new record for most three pointers attempted by a seven foot port aficionado. Ah, what a season to look forward to. Mr. Taylor, I hope you like the smell of Hell.

To see the entire NBA preview, click here or the label below.

NBA Preview: Teams I Should Care About - But Don't

Two teams transfixed us all when they met in the playoffs five months ago: Golden State and Dallas. In terms of pure entertainment, no series came close to matching the Warriors-Mavericks. In recent memory I can recount no matchup that brought so many high fives or frenetic group yells for two teams that essentially meant nothing to anybody in Boston. Golden State was that enticing to watch, and Dallas was equally well cast as "the team nobody actually likes."

Which brings me to this season. I am hardly thinking about either team. The Grizzlies excite me much more, for godsake. How and why did this happen? Any number of reasons, but the main one being that G.S.-Dal. last year was the perfect confluence of time, talent, and place. Dallas was going to power through almost any Western Conference team; G.S. was their kryptonite, and getting to see the Coliseum explode as Baron Davis led the most out of control good team in recent memory was a flashing glimpse of ecstasy. That series revealed the lofty side of Davis, Matt Barnes and particularly Stephen Jackson. It produced the NBA line of the year - "What makes us good is what makes us bad" - and it reminded us that as hard as David Stern comes down, the rawness of his players can still sometimes be magnificently displayed.

But needless to say the Warriors were handled by the Jazz the next round. And the point was made clear: lightning is spectacular when it hits, but don't expect it to hit again. On any given night the Warriors can beat anybody - but they can also lose to anybody. In many ways this makes them the perfect team to watch during the regular season - you will always get entertainment, though not necessarily good basketball. But what more can G.S. show us that they did not already perfectly proclaim to the world last year? Stephen Jackson cannot be that wild and that fantastic all of the time; it's impossible and we wouldn't want him to be, anyway. Neither can Davis, Barnes or anyone else. The paradox of the Warriors is that they have already given us their all, and what they achieve this year will be nothing unless they somehow outdo themselves and make it to the Finals.

Dallas, meanwhile, is just a boring team. Boring and effective. I have no doubt they will be near 60 or more wins again this year. During the regular season nobody keeps the machine oiled better than Avery Johnson. As it was last year, the Mavs will solely be judged by their playoff performance. This seems fully fair when your payroll is $85 million. But I don't know if it is fair on Johnson. It really helps to have a second star on your team, and try as he may Josh Howard is not that yet. Neither is Devin Harris, Jason Terry or Jerry Stackhouse. Therein lies the problem. While having an abundantly deep team with very solid players can lead you to tremendous regular season success, the playoffs are a different story. The postseason is when your stars step up, and Nowitzki does not have a Tony Parker or Manu Ginobili to assist him.

The irony is that the Mavs were a couple controversial calls away from winning the Finals anyway in 2006, even with Nowitzki as their only star. So maybe the Dallas formula can work. They play a refined, diligent, aggressive brand of basketball that is like bad vanilla ice cream going down. I hope they don't win it, because I always think an NBA champion should look better than the Mavs usually appear. Yet their success is rather extensive, and by having been through two straight heartbreaking playoff defeats, they are now as battle tested as any team. Don't be surprised if they sneak back into the Finals, as listless a thought as that may be.

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NBA Preview: John Paxson's Pipe Dream Is Your Nightmare

Well, I've been writing about Eastern Conference parity all summer long, and I have no choice but to really illuminate the core of it. The foreignness of Toronto, or the spunkiness of Philly and Atlanta - those are fun things about Eastern parity; but the reality is much bleaker. Parity in the East is not a good thing - actually it's terrible. I only recommended it in small doses, both for your mental health and your basketball perspective. After a summer of Eastern immigration (KG, Z-BO, Rashard etc.) I wish I could promise you more, but I can't.

The two most talented teams in the East are Boston and Detroit. We've obviously discussed the C's, and have gone in depth about the Pistons as well. What holds both these teams back from elevating their status above everybody is the atrocious coaching. Insane coaching masks the true excellence that both these teams ought to be able to achieve. This will be most obvious come playoff time, but will probably rear its ugly head well before then, and reflect itself in underwhelming winning percentages for both teams.

The club after Boston and Detroit with the most talent I suspect to be Chicago. And I kind of gag when I say Chicago is the favorite in the East. That basically sums up everything that is wrong with the conference. The Bulls are a nice team - they have lots of young talent and some veteran help. But that should not be enough to get you into the Finals. To win the championship you basically need a superstar - something the Bulls severely lack. The one exception in the last 25 years was Detroit in '04. I suspect that John Paxson is trying to mimic that Detroit team. I would suggest he try to mimic all those other championship teams instead.

So trade for Kobe. I know Luol Deng could become a superstar, but that's a huge gamble. At 22 he certainly can't be qualified as near that stratosphere yet. Meanwhile he and Gentle Ben are about to become expensive, and all of a sudden the Bulls are going to be in luxury tax limbo. What I'm saying is simple - go for it now! I have little faith that Paxson will pull the trigger, ever, because he didn't go after Gasol last year and strikes me along with Rod Thorn as the most gutless GM in basketball. Maybe Paxson's plan will work, maybe Ty Thomas will turn into Amare Stoudemire, but I am sick of Chicago as they are constituted.


Still my wariness towards the Bulls is nothing compared to my feelings towards Thorn and his New Jersey Nets. I fucking hate the Nets. This is the same goddamn team every year, and they have the audacity to call themselves contenders. The Nets are not contenders, they are a completely adequate team that is lucky enough to play in a conference where there are no real contenders. I am so sick of people believing that the Nets really could be good. They are not good; I don't care if they win 50 games this year, they still suck, and have no legitimate shot at winning the championship. How can you watch this team consistently and not get sick? It's the same old shit, and it's completely Thorn's fault for not pulling the trigger on a substantial deal since he traded for Carter. Either go for broke or blow it up, Rod, but for the love of God do not stay pat for another year. Brooklyn will not want your sorry asses.

Then there are the Wizards of Ernie Grunfeld, Thorn's bastard son. Arenas said this past week that the Wizards were the best team in the East. The fact that Gilbert can even utter this without the interviewer pissing himself laughing shows how despicable the conference is. Let me tell you what you have to look forward to from the Wizards this year - absolutely fucking nothing, except the inevitable Brendan Haywood - Etan Thomas cagefight. I mean you know something is fucked up with Grunfeld when he refuses to trade either of these mediocre centers even though they keep on fighting each other. He's got Gilbert and Caron Butler, two of the more intriguing players around, and this team is just torture to watch. That should not happen. It's not Eddie Jordan's fault, it's not Jamison's fault, it's not Gilbert's fault, it's not the dueling centers' fault, and it's not "Big Boi" Blatche's fault. It's Ernie's. Let's stop giving him credit for being a good GM when he has done nothing to vastly improve his team. Arenas can opt out next year - we'll see who's brilliant then.

So this crap is the reality of Eastern parity. I'm sorry I got so worked up, but it is a minor crime to humanity that the Bulls, Nets and Wizards are on national TV so much. As you can see, I respect much more the teams that go for broke or blow it up to those that are just consistently adequate. I think adequacy such as New Jersey's is much worse - because the Nets obviously don't care about reaching the summit nearly as much as filling seats by having Vince Carter dunk (and take incredibly ill-advised three pointers.) As a fan, these are the type of things I get pissed about. The Timberwolves are much more interesting.

This year we have four outstanding teams out West - Phoenix, San Antonio, Dallas and Houston. For the sake of the NBA, let's hope an outstanding Eastern team can join one of them in the Finals, whether it takes a trade or a firing. I'm getting tired of always having to stay up late to watch fantastic basketball.

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NBA Preview: More Entertaining Adequacy

I'll start by saying that I can't even fathom Larry Brown as Glenn's assistant. Also, I really hope AK 47 gets traded, and Miami, LAL, NJ, and Washington would all be fools not to go after him. And they all have attractive enough pieces to possibly get the deal done. Richard Jefferson could be in Salt Lake City in a week; it would shake things up a bit.

Now onto today's topic: ethereal entertainment on adequate basketball teams. If this seems to be a running theme throughout much of our season preview, it is only because there is such a plethora of adequacy in the NBA that we have no choice but to scribe about it. ESPN can do the highs and lows, I'll take the middle ground. So all you fans of the Suns and Timberwolves will have to wait.

Today's two teams, Philly and Atlanta, are alike in many ways, one of the most glaring being that many people expect both of them to suck. I personally have hopes for both, more so for the Sixers than the Hawks. I don't know if I can explain this, the Hawks have a much more attractive roster, but so it goes. In all likelihood the fact that the Hawks always suck has something to do with it. Anyway, for both being so damn adequate, Philly and Atlanta are exciting - led by the majestic Andre Iguodala and Josh Smith, respectively.

Iguodala meant nothing to me before Iverson was traded. He was a talented wing, but those are a dime a dozen in the NBA. I noticed that his box scores rose dramatically after the trade, but was not smitten till I saw him in an otherwise forgettable game against the C's March 30. He had twelve assists, but what stood out was how much of a creator he was. Now that he was actively handling the ball instead of watching Iverson, Iguodala had a lovely sense of where his teammates were on the court. He did some brazenly crazy passing that I honestly don't know he would have tried if the game meant anything, but it was very exciting.

Iguodala seems capable of almost being the point guard out there, and what is nice for Philadelphia is that he does not need to be the point guard. Despite Iguodala's exceptional playmaking skills, the real playmaker on the Sixers is Andre Miller. Miller is simply one of the most underrated guys in the NBA. He played on a shitty Cleveland team, a dysfunctional Clips squad for one year (Elton Brand, Maggette, Odom and Miller - hell of a 27-55 team), and a Nuggets team which always seemed to have a screw loose. So coming into Philadelphia's situation for him last year was par for course. Miller proceeded to do what he does - set people up on a very consistent basis, push the pace some, and making sure everybody was involved.

And I guess that's why I think (somehow) Philadelphia is going to make the playoffs this year. I like the fact they have two major playmakers, especially when one of them is only 23 and a former deserving slam dunk champion. Everything else seems shaky. Besides Dalembert (hurt, supposedly healthy in a few weeks) they have very little proven size. None, basically. I mean I feel kind of crazy saying they'll be good when I see their lack of proven size. Reggie Evans will get a ton of rebounds, but jeez. The other reason I like this team is Thaddeus Young, the darling of Hollinger and myself. But I have no idea if he can produce at the age of 19.

So maybe I'm being too lenient with the Sixers, letting the fact that I like a few things about them override their noticeable flaws. When you're wading in such a muddled pool as the Eastern Conference, it's easy to do this. I'm feeling that the Sixers catch the zeitgeist this year, do some running and gunning, and Billy King saves his job.

It is much easier to argue that the Hawks are the team that should be able to raise their accomplishments. That is because if it not this year, when the hell will it be? Josh Smith is playing for a big contract. You have Joe Johnson, Marvin Williams, Shelden Williams, Childress, Zaza, and Speedy all coming back. Plus you add Al Horford and Acie Law. I mean the talent's there. If Rick Carlisle was the coach instead of Mike Woodson I'd have them as a six seed without question. But the Hawks are the Hawks, and the current ownership mess just underscores the perpetual mess that has been the Hawks organization. No one talks about how lucky they were to end up with the #3 pick this year, because if they had been one pick lower it would have been Phoenix's, and it would have just been another indignity that they foolishly imposed upon themselves.


All this said, the talent is there for Atlanta to succeed, and I can understand some people seeing them as a sexy team to pick as a sleeper. The Hawks can certainly be abundantly entertaining, and that all starts with Smith, who may well be the most electrifying player in the NBA. There is no closer an approximation to what Bill Russell's athleticism must have been like on the court than to watch Smith. That's a crazy compliment. Smith's game is vastly different from Russell's, and obviously he's only the fraction of the player, but there is no one presently whose pure talent you can so clearly revel in. Show Josh Smith to some Sherpas on a mountain and they will like pro basketball.

Smith is 21 years old and many people consider him out of control. This is the type of rep you get when you are suspended at the end of the season when you just have to be on cruise control to sign a huge extension during the summer. But fuck it. He's still amazing to watch, and if he does mature, as 21 years old often do, you are going to be looking at an incredible player. No one blocks shots like Josh Smith and no one jumps like Josh Smith. That's special - particularly when you can also shoot from the perimeter and are a gifted passer. He's gonna have to really fuck up not to get a huge contract from someone, especially saying that he is exactly the type of player that opens up the gate to the casual fan.

All in all I have Atlanta penciled in as the worst team in the East, but that means next to nothing. With such parity if the Hawks get lucky they can be in the playoffs. That'd be a new experience. I'd like to say Atlanta deserves that, but don't know if I can. What I can say is that both Philly and Atlanta have some primo athletes with high basketball skill. There are worse things than that. Actually that is why in my mind the NBA is far superior to college ball. You see some unique things.

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NBA Preview: FIBA Rapture

I have to admit, my passion for NBA previewing has waned in the past week. With the season so close to commencing, I find myself with nearly nothing intelligent to write. That said, I feel required to at least mention Russia's upset of Spain in the Eurobasket Championship on Sunday. That victory got me thinking about a few things. One was that I wish that David Blatt was hired by the Celtics as lead assistant this summer, as was rumored for a while. Blatt is approximately seven hundred times a better coach than Glenn.

But the more profound thought the Russian upset brought me was about chemistry, international ball, respecting your opponents, and how all that translates to the NBA. Obviously the best NBA teams usually have some of the best chemistry and commitment. There's no need to discuss this presently. What is worth bringing up, though, is how all these FIBA elements correlate to the Toronto Raptors - the one team in the league that is truly international.

Rasho Nesterovic, Andrea Bargnani, Anthony Parker, Jorge Garbajosa, Jose Calderon, Carlos Delfino and Maceo Baston are all international players. That is astounding. I mean that's half their fucking squad. The Raptors at times feel like a FIBA team. The chemistry seems better, the basketball IQ elevated, the flow of the game more sound from a fundamental standpoint. Particularly unusual are those brief moments when Toronto's offensive spacing seems vastly different from any other team in the NBA. It's pure FIBA - excellent passing leading to weird mid range jumpers, inside finesse with little raw strength, and idiosyncratic knowledge of where every player is on the court. In brief, this is not your uncle's Atlantic Division champ.

Further amping up the quirkiness of the Raptors is their best player's qualities. Chris Bosh's game can fit into the FIBA system well, he's feathery and smooth, but his style really could only be made in America. His length and (at times terrifying) athleticism can wreak havoc even on an off night. He is a prototype modern NBA power forward - but the fact he is playing almost exclusively with Internationals is completely new to the NBA. Perhaps nothing argues more strongly for the success of the foreign invasion than this.

Sam Mitchell, meanwhile, did not seem to be the wisest choice to lead such a worldly team at this time last year. He was known as being too much of a screamer, a prodder; the perfect example of a tough love coach. Yet Mitchell's uniquely grouchy American persona proceeded to mesch fluidly with his European pupils, perhaps better than it ever could have with American players. This is because the internationals wanted to leave it all on the court - for guys like Garbajosa or Calderon that was the only way to do it. So Toronto, despite clearly subpar talent, won 47 games. Mitchell deservedly won coach of the year. It was a beautiful union of coach and players pushing each other along.

Bosh and Mitchell, along with T.J. Ford, are the primary American elements on the Raptors. Almost everything else seems cosmopolitan. Guys like Jason Kapono are FIBA players who happen to be in the NBA. What Bryan Colangelo has in mind with all this is still unclear to me. Originally many of us thought Colangelo was gonna bring the run and gun mentality with him from Phoenix. Instead he brought us a Canadian FIBA team, which is kind of awesome - but not necessarily for its effectiveness as much as the originality of product. Colangelo needs Bargnani to turn into a star, or to make other substantial moves. Otherwise all these cool FIBA elements are going to struggle to rise above adequacy. But it's a unique adequacy at least.

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NBA Preview: Northwest Expenditure

With the Greg Oden knee blitzkrieg coming out, the Trail Blazers are once again the story of the NBA, as they have been for much of the offseason. While it does seem pretty sucky for Mr. Oden, who Jack ominously compared with Brad Daugherty yesterday, and who I will presently compare to Bill Walton, please shed only crocodile tears for the Blazers.

My dissatisfaction with the Blazers has to do with their profligate spending. In many ways Paul Allen is the George Steinbrenner of the NBA, without the championship rings. Who can forget his quasi all-star team of 2000, which would have won it all except for choking in game seven against the Lakers? Allen has never been a frugal owner. But it's only in the last few years that he has really gotten my goad.

That's because Allen and his management staff have done some stupendously dumb things with their payroll recently. It is only luck that has made them darlings of many of the mainstream media. The first thing that pissed me off was Allen's refusal to trade Darius Miles to the Knicks. When you get a chance to dump Miles and his huge contract you don't think twice - as good as he was in The Perfect Score, Darius has been nothing short of a bust since he entered the NBA as the next big thing in 2000. It was indefensible not to get rid of him and his cancerous contract (which still has three years and $26 million left on it.) Miles, of course, hardly played last year after having micro-fracture surgery, and at best he is only an adequate player when healthy.

The Miles non-deal was horrific. Less bad, but subtlety irritating, was Portland's trade with our beloved C's on draft day 2006. This was GM Kevin Pritchard's "brilliant" deal that landed him Brandon Roy with the draft pick he received from the C's. Less brilliant was the bloat that came with Roy - Raef Lafrentz and Dan Dickau. Raef's contract looked like shit when we got it from Dallas in 2003, and it still looks like shit today. There are two more years and $24.5 million left on that puppy. That's a lot of money for a player who is worthless for you on the floor. While I love Roy, acquiring the girth of Raef's contract was a hell of a collateral. So I can't laud Pritchard for this deal, although the Ratliff contract he dispensed with was also bad. What bothers me is how people glaze over the fact that the Blazers had to take LaFrentz to make the trade happen - and that seems to be exactly what Allen and Pritchard want. They aren't afraid to eat money to save face.

And that was never more true than this summer. After luck hit them again by winning the lottery (I also consider it luck that other teams were stupid enough to pass on Roy the year before), Portland proceeded to do one of the silliest draft night trades in recent memory. Jack touched all these bases last week, but I'd like to expound on some of these points from the Blazers perspective. You trade Z-Bo, who was one of the league's twenty best players last year, for Channing Frye and Stevie Francis. You then proceed to buyout Francis for $30 million dollars. Whaaaa???


So you get Channing fucking Frye for Z-Bo? I don't care how insane Randolph is, you ought to be able to at least get something positive by trading him. A decent player and $30 million in dead money is getting fleeced on a grand scale. I mean, what a terrible fucking transaction for Portland. The Blazers never should have done it. Between Raef and Stevie you now have $55 million in bullshit salary over the next two years. And you can't even trade Stevie's away, it's locked in. Jesus almighty...

So Portland, in short, is lucky and rich. I can think of no other owner who would so ably consent in acquiring so much crappy money on the payroll. If Portland played their cards right with Z-Bo, and actually figured out what the market was for him, they could be good immediately. Instead, we are all ready hearing Nate McMillan say that the Blazers might not be as good as last year.

I just don't like Portland's smugness with their money, they seem oafish to me, and are fortunate to have an owner whose bankroll can easily conceal this. Their northwest counterpart is almost the opposite. God knows where the Supersonics will be in two years. GM Sam Presti has literally no fan optimism around him, the inverse of Portland. The fans who should be excited about Durant are all too pissed at the owners to care. So instead of wasting money and still being crappy, like Portland has done, Presti decided to blow up the ship. Gone is Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis. In their place comes youth and cap flexibility. Seattle has attractive expiring or near expiring deals (Wally, Kurt Thomas and Chris Wilcox) and tons of young talent and future picks. So that means Presti can do anything - he has so much flexibility that it is hard to say what he will do, but it seems bound to succeed.

In the meantime, Seattle will suck. Presti won't say it overtly, and neither will P.J. Carlesimo, but the implications are clear. And I think that's fine - because it is understood that Presti and Carleismo are doing everything in their power to make this a championship club in an intelligent manner. With Durant and all the pieces they have it should be sooner than later.

In conclusion, imagine if Sam Presti and Kevin Pritchard switched places. Portland would certainly be a playoff team immediately. The Sonics would still have Ray Allen, probably Rashard Lewis, and zero cap flexibility. Portland and Seattle's payrolls look about the same, but don't be deceived - there are two totally different modes of thought going on in the GM's office, as well as two appreciably fucked up ownership situations.

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NBA Preview: Fuck L.A. Edition

When we originally were tossing around the idea of an NBA season preview, a consensus was reached that it only really made sense to go team-by-team for particularly noteworthy Celtics opponents. That is to say, Atlantic Division co-tenants and Eastern Conference contenders, then primarily leave the rest of the League--those teams we only play twice a year--for broader, more sweeping analysis, maybe in a divisional format or something. But try as I might, I can't resist throwing up a post on the team that has quietly had one of the most dysfunctional off-seasons in recent memory: the always-despised Los Angeles Lakers. Of course, one could make the case that the Lakers are a noteworthy Celtics opponent, due to the historic rivalry and the Celtics' newfound position as Finals contenders. To be honest, though, for the first time in--what, 15, 20 years?--the Celtics have a far, far better shot at reaching the Finals than the Lakers. My God, it still feels good typing that.

The good news out of LA? Phil Jackson was recently inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame, and during his speech referred to himself as "the luckiest coach of all time," which surely made Red Auerbach grumble somewhere in agreement. Besides that? There is simply no good news for the Lakers, who've suffered through an offseason so disastrous that it's amazing it hasn't commanded more media attention. Even the venerable Jackson himself has jumped into the fray, ripping ownership for failing to improve the club.

As is so often the case, it all starts with Kobe. Kobe, Kobe, Kobe. Don't we think it's time to consider the possibility, particularly in light of LeBron's heroics in the postseason last year, that Kobe Bryant might be just a bit overrated? Or, perhaps more accurately, simply "mis"-rated, if that makes sense? Make no mistake, Kobe is an astonishing talent and capable on any given night of being the best player in the League, but after years of erratic behavior it's hard not to wonder if his personal flaws are getting in the way of his professional career. This offseason is the latest and most spectacular example of the bundle of contradictions that comprise Kobe: complaining about the makeup of the team while simultaneously sabotaging it (the infamous Bynum video tirade); wanting to be "the man" while demanding a trade to a team with well-established veteran stars; the list goes on and on.

The Kobe problem is compounded and exacerbated by the glaring incompetence of Laker ownership and management, a problem since Jerry West left but one which has increased exponentially in recent years. I'm not going to be one of those idiots who argues that they should have kept Shaq and let Kobe walk a few years ago--let's face it, Shaq comes with his own bundle of issues. Rather, with good management in place this never would have been an either/or situation in the first place: Jerry West would never have let that happen, nor would the Spurs, the Pistons, the Suns, or almost any other first-rate NBA franchise.

Clearly, though, the Lakers are blind when it comes to Bryant, and it is this blindness that seems to have completely obscured the possibility that they might, in fact, be better off without him. Let's think about this: in past years Bryant has alienated Shaq (one of the League's more popular players), flipped out on Karl Malone, thoroughly demoralized Lamar Odom and savagely crushed the confidence of up-and-coming Andrew Bynum. Honestly the Odom situation is arguably the most gratuitous: Lamar Odom is potentially one of the most unique and dynamic players in the NBA, the perfect Pippen to Bryant's self-appointed Jordan, but Kobe's selfishness and dubious leadership have perpetually left Odom grasping at straws as to his role on the team. With all of this said, it's time to start acknowledging the possibility that there might be a rising number of very-good-to-great NBA players--exactly the type of players Kobe professes to want to pay with--who have no interest in playing with him. This more than anything ought to suggest to the Lakers that it might be time to move as far away as possible from #24.

But no; mark my words, Kobe will be a Laker when this season opens, as will Javaris Crittenton, the team's latest not-ready-for-prime-time draft pick. Jermaine O'Neal rumors continue to swirl, and honestly, if the Pacers can get Odom and Bynum out of the Lakers for O'Neal and change they should do it in a second. Jermaine O'Neal will hobble through 60-70 games in the Western Conference and lead the Lakers to a low seed in the playoffs; things change, but nothing really changes. Phil Jackson will leave, tired of the dysfunction, and Kobe will reprise his role as the NBA's Hamlet.

Fuck, I hate the Lakers. I'm excited.

NBA Preview: The Knickerbocker Chronicles, Part 2 - Knicks In Space

As promised last week, here is the second (and hopefully final) entry into my monumentally self-indulgent glimpse into the trials and troubles of the Celtics' dysfunctional Atlantic Division Rivals, the New York Knicks. Last week we focused on the halcyon years of the mid-1990s into the embarrassingly epic failures of the new "Dolan" century. Today we strive to answer the most (some would argue "only") relevant issue on the table: what the fuck is up with this year's Knicks??

What the fuck is up, indeed. Isiah Thomas has certainly fielded (courted?) some insanely-constructed teams since he took the helm in 2003, perhaps peaking with the ill-fated Stephon Marbury-Steve Francis-Larry Brown triumvirate that catastrophically imploded a few seasons ago. But this year... ah, this year Zeke has outdone even his own lofty standards. In what honestly might have been his greatest draft-day heist ever (and that's truly saying something for Thomas, who for all his flaws certainly knows how to work a draft), the Knicks' President/Coach managed to steal the prodigiously talented Zach Randolph (see mugshot) away from the Blazers in exchange for an overvalued second-year player (Channing Frye) and a washed-up two-guard with an insatiable appetite for clubbing (Steve Francis, whom the team promptly bought out). In Portland's defense, Randolph is pretty much the dictionary definition of "character issues," and I'm fairly certain the team was outright terrified of Randolph exerting too much negative influence over Brandon Roy, LaMarcus Aldridge and of course Greg Oden. Still, to let a 23-10 guy go for 20 cents on the dollar is stupid as fuck in any circumstances, and the Knicks brilliantly reaped the benefits of Portland's panic.

The addition of Randolph now gives the Knicks two potentially dominant frontcourt players, at least on the offensive end, which is really one more than any other Eastern Conference team has. The rest of the team is startlingly deep as well. Stephon Marbury, Jamal Crawford, David Lee, Quentin Richardson, even Renaldo Balkman: all of these guys can play and play very well, and if they all played on different teams and Isaiah was in a rotisserie league, well, you have to figure he'd have it wrapped up. Unfortunately there's only one ball on the court, which leads to the million-dollar question for Knicks fans and casual observers (and I certainly count myself among the latter): can these guys play together?

Fortunately for Celtics fans and unfortunately for New Yorkers, I've got to say that I think it's unlikely. Start with the Curry-Randolph front line; despite Curry's height advantage, these two are remarkably similar players--offensively fantastic and defensively indifferent. The big difference is that Randolph's just much, much better; a better scorer and a far better on the boards, out-rebounding Curry by 3 rpg even though Curry's got a solid three inches on him (honestly, pound for pound is there a worse rebounder in the NBA than Eddy Curry? I seriously doubt it. Both of these guys need the ball in their hands to be successful and Randolph is just far more adept at acquiring it. Furthermore, Randolph can be a notoriously abrasive character while Curry is notoriously thin-skinned. By January I predit they'll be barely speaking to each other, with Curry publicly sulking about touches and Randolph making thinly-veiled swipes at his center's sexual orientation in SLAM magazine. Truthfully, Randolph-David Lee is in many ways a more intriguing combo than Randolph-Curry, but there's no way Zeke can bench Curry or even scale back his role, not after what they gave up for him.

As for the guards, well, what can be said about Steph Marbury that hasn't already been said by somebody somewhere, usually with a string of expletives attached. I don't hate Marbury in the slightest--as mentioned before, I think his Starbury endeavor is one of the few truly socially noble acts committed by an athlete in recent memory--but I do think he's pretty bad at basketball and only seems to get worse. It's truthfully not all his fault; he's had so many coaches at this point that I think his game is just one big ball of confusion. It's easy to forget that Marbury used to be really, really good (albeit for bad teams), consistently putting up 20+ points and 8+ assists a night, and when he first came into the league as a 19-year-old out of Georgia Tech he had a Chris Paul-like aura about him. Now he's fucked and playing for his last chance at some sort of career redemption. Equally as intriguing is Jamal Crawford, who honestly should probably be playing for another team. He looks to be the fourth option on a team full of ballhogs, which is idiotic since the main thing Crawford is good at is creating match-up nightmares and scoring in explosive bunches. I mean, what's the point of having a 6-6 combo guard who can drop 50 on a given night if you're not going to get him the ball? His currency as a decoy certainly isn't going to last too long. Truthfully they should probably just trade him for a top-flight defensive role player or two, but that'd be too logical so look for Crawford to be criminally misused and then possibly demanding a trade by mid-season, leading to further inter-squad turmoil.

The rest of the team is all right, with the exception of Nate Robinson, who's honestly one of the worst players in the NBA. How he continues to get major minutes is beyond me. Honestly, a guy like Renaldo Balkman--whom Isiah took so much shit for drafting a few months back--might be the best possible player for the Knicks right now, because he can impact the game without needing to touch the ball. As a fellow Headbander put it to me a few weeks ago, the main problem with the Knicks is that they have no leadership: seriously none whatsoever. Isiah is one of those laissez-faire "players' coaches" who'd rather be one of the guys than draw up strategies, and nobody on this team seems to possess the character of a Kevin Garnett, a Paul Pierce or a Ray Allen. The Knicks will be better this year, make no mistake, but when it comes time to play teams with a solid core of veterans who understand how to play basketball--teams like the Celtics--I can't help but feel they'll be totally exposed. I think they'll win 40 but not 50 and there will be at least one major team distraction during the season. At least one. And as always, it's gonna be fun to watch.

NBA Preview: Flipping Off Depth

I think for a lot of fans the Pistons have held a continuous fascination since they won the title in 2004. Not for me. I was enthralled when they kicked the shit out of the Lakers and became the first team to win the Finals without a supernova since Seattle in 1979. That was a hard team not to like, their upstart camaraderie was a welcome change from the continual Lakers/Spurs dominance of the early 2000's. But I was already tired of Detroit by the next year, and didn't admire them again until they gave the Spurs all they could handle in the Finals. I figured with Larry Brown's bitching, and against that dynamic of a Spurs team, the Pistons didn't have a chance. When they took it to seven I realized how together Billups, Hamilton, Prince, and the Wallaces were. Still, I didn't really like watching them all that much anymore.

Brown's departure was inevitable after the end of '05. With the burden of an overbearing coach off their shoulders, the Pistons starting five proceeded to just destroy the league the first half of '05-06, going 37-5. Fans were transfixed, as the Pistons played some truly awesome basketball during that historical stretch. Suddenly they were the most efficient offensive team in the league, as well as one of the most fearsome defensively. It all seemed too easy, always a bad sign.

And then the problems began appearing. As bitchy as Brown had been, he was the perfect coach for Detroit, because he stressed fundamentals and defense above anything else. New coach Flip Saunders stressed offense instead. And while the Pistons looked stunning during much of the regular season, they did not have a coach like Brown to bring them back down to earth come playoff time. These flaws were exposed by Miami during the Conference Finals, when Detroit lost in six.

That series two years ago revealed one main point: Flip Saunders was a lousy coach. Miami was probably not the better team in that series, but they had a better coach, and a superstar in Dwyane Wade. With a team as tough and supple as Detroit was that year, to lose in such a way was embarrassing. Ben Wallace was right in wanting to get the fuck out. The greatness of the Pistons after Larry Brown left was just a honeymoon period. It was like when Parcells left the Patriots and Pete Carroll took over. Once everybody stops foolishly lauding each other, reality hits.

Last year was predictable for the Pistons, the only shocker being that Mike Brown outcoached Saunders in the Cleveland series, which is about as low as you can go on the pro coaching totem pole, unless your name is Glenn Rivers. Detroit has become insufferably boring under Saunders. It's basically the same players as always, playing at a level below the peak years under Larry Brown, which wasn't always the most pleasing basketball to watch in the first place. While with Brown you felt like Detroit always had a chance, with Flip you know they don't have any chance at all.

And the whole point of this historically-based rant is that it does not have to be this way for the Pistons. GM Joe Dumars has made his share of mistakes during his tenure, but there is a reason he is still so highly regarded. He knows talent, and brings it in at a reasonable price. The 2007-08 Detroit Pistons should not resemble the 2003-04 Pistons. While Billups, Hamilton and Prince all deserve huge minutes as usual, there are plenty of other pieces available that could help carry this team back to the Finals.


First let's briefly discuss Rasheed. At this point his psychotic shtick is getting old. I don't know how you handle him, but he needs to be handled. If that means just dumping him and not getting fair value in return then maybe you have to do that. If there is a way to positively harness his energy in a productive manner, even better. But the point is that the team cannot be subject to his negative imprint.

And Detroit does not need to acquiesce to Sheed because they have quality bigs. Without counting Webber, who could definitely resign, they are still loaded at 4 and 5. Antonio McDyess is as solid as they come, and his PER was a stellar 18.2 last year. Jason Maxiell was good in the limited minutes he played, and surely deserves longer burn this season. Nazr Mohammad signed a five year, $30 million contract a year ago, and Flip proceeded not to play him. That was shocking, more so given the fact that Nazr played fine when he was in there, posting a 16.5 PER. Mohammad has always been an estimable player, and Flip's negligence of him was ridiculous. Finally there is Amir Johnson, who is getting an absurd amount of hype. If he lives up to half of it, I'm not sure if the Pistons need Sheed at all.

Dumars also drafted Rodney Stuckey this past draft, who I have high hopes for, even though I have never seen him play. Anybody who is consistently compared to Dwyane Wade is okay in my book, and on top of that Hollinger had him rated in his top ten. So Stuckey should be able to help Billups and Hamilton immediately. He will be joined by the always pesky Lindsey Hunter, as well as Flip Murray and Arron Affalo. Dumars also signed Jarvis Hayes from Washington to play on the wing, which could be an excellent signing if Hayes can stay healthy.

So Detroit is deep, and the only reason I write them off is Flip, whose atrocity will surely ruin this team. All Dumars has to do is look down the bench at Terry Porter or Dave Cowens to see two much more capable candidates to fill the lead coaching role. For his sake he should pull the trigger. But it will probably take a team mutiny to have that happen. As long as Sheed is around, that is a fully possible occurrence.

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